1/1/23

Start the blog off strong yeah? I'm currently without WiFi so I'm typing this on my phone and will have to copy and paste it over at a later point. But HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE! I'm so excited about this fresh start, and I know some of you are as well. Today I think will most likely be a shorter post, I don't have a lot to say in terms of art, but I did want to take the new-year opportunity to talk about some of my goals for this year and how I want to achieve them, and maybe in the process we can share in our thoughts how you want to achieve yours too. 

First is the obligatory week summary, with some additional details since I didn't post over Christmas weekend, but you can't be mad because I said in the last post that I probably wouldn't. So, last weekend. Let me paraphrase this little talk by saying the last two weeks have been composed almost entirely of boy drama, and what's worse, it's boy drama I don't even feel that attached to. Friday I went on a date, things were going well, I was having fun, they were having fun, seemed like a great time for both of us. We get back to my apartment, were hanging out, just talking sitting next to each other showing each other funny things on our phones and whatnot, then they go "I don't wanna lead on, but I started talking to someone and they want to be exclusive". Motherfucker WHY would you agree to go on the date in the first place then? Like I just spent $40 to take you on a cute little Christmas-y date just for you to be like "thanks that were fun was never doing it again though". The past is in the past, moving on. I helped this other guy move on Saturday, which was fun, he and I have been friends for a sec so it was super nice to just see him. The downside is that we have been pretty clear about our feelings for one another, but when we hung out, it was not that vibe in the slightest, and I ended the night by doing his dishes. Again, not complaining, he's a very sweet man, but the combo of date turned another woman, and then doing the dishes for a man who has seen every inch of me naked, feels great. Yes, I cried. Finally, Monday I go home! the flight was honestly not terrible, I sat next to this sexy man I matched with on tinder about a year ago, but for some reason, he didn't ask for the head in the bathroom which just hurt my feelings but that's whatever. Then the rest of the week happened. The last bit of boy drama is I hung out with this guy I've had a crush on since I was 17 years old, it was super fun, I had a blast, seemed like he had fun. Anyway, he hasn't texted me in a day, which objectively, is fine. We don't live in the same state, let alone the same side of the country, it's not like I was expecting anything more than a civil hug out of our encounter. But why? Lemme talk to you baby boy, c'mon now. It's chill I don't think we're on bad terms I think fire signs are just weird. 

The holidays themselves were somewhat anticlimactic, in that the build-up was equal to or less than the outcome. However, I know the real thing you all want me to talk about; my birthday! I'm 20 years old. I have been alive for 20 years. Two decades. Two decades of no boyfriend, no car, no license, no career. I think I frequently state how much I fear the process of growing old, the way time slips by before you even notice it was there, to begin with, the way momentous events in my life happen once and there is never any way to go back. It's terrifying. And I think especially for me, someone who puts so much weight into the idea of becoming successful and having a name for myself and completing the task I set for myself, the thought of reaching an age and having achieved nothing is probably the capstone of my greatest fears. What's more, I also am a very hot and also sexy, very sexy, man. And as I get older that may waver slightly, and there is not one tiny marcel of me, that is willing to accept the idea of saggy, wrinkly, aging skin. I saw a place in Pennsylvania that said $11 Botox, and I will be going. However, I also want to acknowledge the death of 2022. It was an ugly, terrible, vile, cynical, evil year, and I am oh so happy to see her go.

Which, my lovely little ladybugs, is the attitude we're going to go into for 2023. 2022 sucked, I think anyone who isn't famous can agree with that. Their "This year changed my life I'm so fortunate" and then they post pictures of the trip they took to Italy that was paid for by a skincare brand started in Los Angeles and one of their friends opening for Post Malone, does not apply to us, and I think we all need to be agreed with how we're going to handle ourselves. Rule numero uno; no crossing old bridges. I don't want to see anybody getting back with their exes, going on another date with someone who showed they aren't looking for the same thing as you, no ignoring the same red flags over and over again expecting each one to be different. This ties into our next rule: Get what you need. I think after the year we've had, above all else, this year should be about us putting our desires at the forefront of everything. I'm am very good at knowing what I want and doing things that won't get it to me simply because "I should be able to have fun". No, fun and things you want are not mutually exclusive, don't sacrifice your wants and needs because you think you won't be able to have fun doing that. I promise it will feel so much better having gone through the motions and ended up with what you were looking for, then having small tastes of good things that don't benefit you but were "fun". The last rule is not so much of a rule, but more me telling you to get your shit together. So, rule number three to follow throughout all of 2023, get your shit together. Spend a day, a week, a month, three months, however long it takes, and figure out what it is that you want. What gives you drive, what are you going after, and what do you want? I've seen so many people in my life who have nothing, they don't have any goals, they don't have any passions, and they just do what they have to do throughout the day. I want to emphasize that I'm not saying these people are doing anything wrong, but I think the second you can find something you care about and can devout time and energy into that, you will feel so much better every time whatever it is you're working towards moves closer to you.

Above all else I want 2023 to be about growth. I know I kind of said this in a previous post, but it's the New Year, thus I'm going to say it again. 2023 should be about elevating yourself. Growing into the person you want to become. For me, getting in touch with whatever it is that you need to get in touch with is my heart. Becoming connected with the sensitive part of myself, as throughout 2022 I have lost a lot of the kindness that I used to wear so proudly on my sleeve. Maybe for you, your growth comes from getting a job. Working on your goals. Part of my accomplishments for 2023 is going to be getting an internship over the summer, hopefully writing for an influencer group in Philadelphia, but we shall see. And that's something that will help me feel more in tune with who I want to become. Because, although I said how much I don't want to be 20, I am 20 now, and with that, I think will come a lot more personal responsibility to work on furthering myself. Many of you may forget, but I am a Capricorn sun, and now that I'm no longer a teen, I want to feel like an adult. I want to work, I want to get paid, and I want to explore. I want this year to be about all of us, individually or collectively broadening our horizons. For me, I'm hoping that comes in the form of physically broadening my horizons, visa vis traveling. For someone else, it might be journaling more frequently or logging some of your accomplishments. The start of a new year can be a very intimidating thing, but it doesn't need to be. We can look at this year and see all the places we have yet to go physically and mentally. The corners of our minds and the world that we've barely scraped the surface on. And I'm so excited to do it here so you can watch all the ways I try to do all the things I just said I would.

Anyway, that's pretty much it for today. The media of the week might be convoluted. For an artist I'm picking this tattoo artist in phoenix, his Insta handle is @143.nok34dxo, he's so incredibly talented and I will book an appointment with him at some point in the upcoming year. Song of the week and this is the convoluted part, I'm picking FUCK FACE by nascar aloe. Please dear god go listen to that song. Or just nascar's whole discography honestly. If you like suicide boys or Rico Nasty you would like nascar. The film I'm picking is Gossip Girl but only the episode where Blake Lively turns what's her name goth. I have not seen a single episode of that show, I have however seen an edit of that part of the show multiple times and the goth chick devours. That is certainly all for today, ily, ilysm, ttyl, xoxo, Bella Thorne.

~Christian Reid