9/24/23

I hope anybody reading this at any time, takes the time to consider and appreciate that while I am a man spouting his opinions into the ether, at least I am not someone who makes you feel stupid for not thinking it. 

I hope everyone has been having good days, we're really into the school year now so I doubt it, but hope is hope. I had a really interesting day yesterday, and I want to take the time to reflect on some things that happened and open up a conversation about what discourse is actually helpful, and what conversations probably wind up causing more damage. As I've recently been thinking more about what I'm doing, the answer to which being a big ol' fat question mark, I've been thinking a lot about the way I think. I have a lot of opinions, many of which are pretty polarizing, and at this point in my life, I want to kind of start stepping somewhat away from that, and doing the kind of thinking that allows me to understand why it is I think that way. 

Yesterday I had a date. The first date I've been on in many months, I was excited, but also admittedly hesitant. I don't have good experience dating, the cause of which is usually summed up as compatibility, but that has caused me to not get nearly as antsy as I used to be to meet new people; but I decided to go on this date because it was actually a date, and I thought, considering how I feel like I've changed in that past few months, that it couldn't do any harm. I'm going to skip actually talking about the date, that feels more like a podcast topic than a blog -which may or may not make a return at some point, I haven't decided- but I want to talk about the culture surrounding people. This generation has seen an uprise of individuality, not at all exclusively in a bad way, but because of how much our age group encourages freedom of expression, we all have this entitlement to be the only people expressing ourselves in that way. I think music is a really good example, as well as style, but we are all too familiar with the thought process behind gatekeeping, wanting things you identify with to be synonymous with you, and not someone else, especially not someone you deem unworthy of that artist or that trend or whatever it is you prioritize. Because of this, I think it's making a lot of people our age have difficulty connecting with people. I talked on the podcast a little while ago about how I think we all underestimate how much of an impact the lockdown had on us, but I feel like it's something we need to consider when having conversations like this. 

If you were a good person, you spent months at a time locked away from effectively every element of your life outside of your home; your friends, your hobbies, your favorite hangout spots, whatever it was, it became significantly more difficult to do, much less enjoy. If you were a bad person, you didn't have that, and you continued seeing your friends and trying to maintain your way of life. This was the start of the dispersion of personalities, I feel. The way I see it is the people who obeyed lockdown regulations went through some kind of metamorphism; being stuck with yourself for months at a time causes a lot of reflection, and I think that is why so many people began turning towards more alternative art forms, because in this time a lot of people were collectively trying to figure themselves out, not unlike how a lot of people change when moving to college, and finally have the opportunity to do pretty much anything they are interested in, and finding themselves in the process. The other group didn't have this, and they're the ones who still talk to a lot of friends from high school, are doing things they've always done, and, on a surface level at least, seem like very similar people to who they were prior to entering the lockdown. 

Three years post, it seems like we have begun reassimaltating back to where we were, in that "alternative" is not the popular style anymore. However, something we have not been able to let go of is the echo chamber we all participated in during that time. For lack of better expression, we all became very opinionated very quickly, and with little knowledge about the topics we became opinionated on, it just became a screaming match for who's right and who's wrong. That being said, for me at least, and I'm sure many others, this time period opened my eyes to things in a way that permanently shifted my thought processes, much of which revolved around ideas of oppressive and oppressed groups. This time period plays a big role in what I value as a person, and why I feel so willing to share my thoughts on things, because the way I view it there are a lot of groups of people who run with unchecked ego, and my goal is to voice my own opinion on those groups and pick my own brain about why I think the culture surrounding them is the way that it is; essentially I enjoy talking out loud about specific things to concrete my stance on it, and maybe get some perspective back, that's why I like writing. 

One opinion I have that has not really changed at all in recent years surrounds the relationship between men and most other things. I that men are a really interesting group to analyze because so much of what makes them tick is polarizing in and of itself. Admittedly, I do a lot of generalization, so I clear my biases before I continue. I am aware not all men behave one specific way, I do not hate all men, I literally am a man and am aware that there are problems I myself contribute to, but in the most genuine way, as much as I am in fact a man, I view myself as a separate entity entirely, not only because I am better than like, literally everyone, but also because I feel as though I was not apart of what I feel makes up so much of the male experience. I don't think I am non-binary, I don't feel like opening that door I barely accept my own sexuality, and I don't have the mental strength to seriously consider my gender. I think men have a very specific way of thinking about things and processing the world around them, for whatever reason but predominantly from a stance of privilege, regardless of intent. A good example of this, and probably one of the most commonly discussed, is literally going outside, and also a good example of why I don't feel as grouped in with men in some instances. Going out, for men, is as simple as finding where you're going and a way to get there. Men never consider looking under their car, or how long someone has been looking at them, or who they're with when they get intoxicated, and if they are worthy. Men don't have experiences causing them to fear certain interactions in public, or the need to protect themselves as much when they're walking home from the bar at night. And because of this men process the outside world differently. This kind of diaspora between men and women's relationships with how they feel they're viewed seeps into multiple different situations, and affects the way they can curate relationships with others, especially others of differing gender expressions. 

When I and I assume others similar to me, say I dislike men, it's in reference to this. It refers to how, as a man, things are simply different, and concerns and worries women and others have with their own bodies are not shared with the male gender. It's a frustration with the unfairness that, simply by being born one way or another, entire aspects of one's life change drastically. For me, it's that, plus the expectation that having that inherent difference would allow a man to have a better outlook on themselves and others. I grew up gay as fuck, granted I still pursued women, but my experiences were dictated by my sexual attraction to men, and how, no matter what group I was put in, nine times out of time, I felt like an outside, or even an intruder, on their discussions. Thus, when I began actively dating men, while I was still aware men are men, I desired some kind of attention to our shared differences that would allow us to connect on a different level than I had been prior, and the resulting connections have left me even more sure that men, and to that degree, heterosexuals, simply don't live the same life as I do. When I say I dislike men, it isn't in reference to men as the gender, or even the genitalia, but rather the difference in life, it is hatred towards the lengths I go to attempt at protecting myself, my peace, my mind, that a Man would never even consider. Men are coddled, bottle-fed by their mother-wives until they can replace the teet of their parents to suckling the life force out of whatever underage mentally unstable person they decided to fetishize until they're bored. That's men to me. 

When I make generalized statements such as this, or when I shit talk gay people, or the fashion industry, or music, or people, or anything, there are always exceptions. Very few generalizations are ever meant to be taken at face value, especially from me who just tends to be dramatic in my thought processes. I won't get into the power dynamic of saying "I Hate Men" vs. "I Hate Women" If you can't distinguish why those two statements are drastically different, I would say it's safe to say you are part of the problem, I am not, I never am. But perhaps, as a man reading this, a takeaway should be how your views differ from others, because that, rather than the actual phrase itself, is what it means to say you hate men. You hate the power dynamic, you hate that they can have a body count of over 50, and you're expected to stay small and supple, that their workout journey is binging and purging, while you have to stay the same size; can't get too big for fear of looking manly, can't eat too much for fear of being fat, can't workout too much or else you have no life, can't eat too little or you're anorexic, this is just an example but obviously you know what I'm getting at. You hate that a man can sit and lecture you for half an hour in your own home about how saying "I hate men" is absolutism (??) and you have to be able to defend that comment and recite why and why not and where you got those ideas, rather than sitting and reflecting on maybe I just didn't want to be looked at by a 50-year-old man in public. You hate that your voice has to be restrained, that you watch the world make decisions on every aspect of your life but you can't speak up without being corrected by someone who most likely knows less about what you're talking about than they do. You hate that men would rather scream and cry about how nobody talks about their depression, how rape trials ruin their lives too, how they're smart enough to get into college but couldn't because they let in a black man with the same academic record than sit back and reflect on what their voice is; if you want to take the perspective that not all men are like this, what thoughts are you contributing to it to prove me wrong without the thoughts being provoked by the desire to prove me wrong. If not all men are like this, then why does it take someone saying they are for you to speak up in defense? If you feel so oppressed by people's views on masculinity, why do you not fight it with your own actions and thoughts, instead of sitting back and waiting until it's brought to you on a silver platter for you to pretend it's been bothering you this whole time, as if a single element of your life has changed, even with the amount of people beginning to call men out for their lack of accountability.