9/17/22

(THERE ARE SO MANY TYPOS I DONT GIVE A FUCK LOGAN I DONT WANNA HEAR IT)

Remember when I said I was excited to go back to school and finally feel like Im living my life? Well now I literally just wanna like die but well dive into that momentarily. First of all, I missed last weeks post. Im sorry. But this time it really wasn't my fault.

So last Saturday, I was working on my tech pack for one of my fashion classes. For those who don't know, a tech pack is the thing a designer hands off to the seamstress so they have all the information and can construct the garment, since designers typically aren't the ones sewing the things they make. Anyways, thats what I was doing, which inherently isn't a peaceful experience. It's a lot of computer work, using adobe to sketch things out, excel for all the filing, its just not the shit in the fashion industry that I enjoy. Then the little dreaded window pops up on my laptop saying I need to plug it in. Peculiar, as it was currently plugged in, but it was, in fact, still dying. So I panic and Im pissed cause I just bought a new laptop charger last year cause I lost my old one, but it was cheap as fuck, compared to the actual replacement chargers, so I wasn't surprised that it broke and my laptop wasn't getting enough charge from it. My response is to call my roommate from last year, and very dear friend, who has a car and ask if he could take me to target to get a new charger. He agrees to just swing by Target on his way home from work, super easy, super great for Reid who is now pissed and doesn't want to give this any more thought than I need to. Few hours later, he arrives, but Im very tired and don't actually get to charging my laptop until the following day, to which I see that it was not the charger needing to be fixed, but is very much my laptop battery being broken. NOT FUN. Another thing we should all know is that Im pretty independent, financially, when Im at school, so despite having a problem I really didnt know how exactly to fix, you can bet your ass I was going to try. So I went on amazon and bought the replacement charger which, as its now Sunday, wouldn't arrive until the end of Monday. Stressed as I was for going to class and work without my laptop, I was willing to go through one rough day as long as I could fix it by the next day. Well Ill just go FUCK MYSELF because guess what? When I put the fucking battery in my laptop, which by the way wasn't  easy cause the fucking screws at the bottom were worn down, it SPARKED AND STARTED SMOKING! So my battery is shot and my laptop wont turn on and I called costco for help and they said 10 days they'll  let me know what the proper response should be but like oh my god I need my laptop. So yeah, Im currently typing this post on Abby's laptop because I was not about to skip two weeks in a row.

But that's been my life recently. Stuff has in fact been going on with me and my friends, I miss Katie Bug very much. My classes are still pretty meh, we've been moving to new subjects recently, as the semester goes on longer the projects are becoming more in-depth. I don't know if anybody will remember, but my one class, Social Aspects of Fashion, has begun doing presentations as part of our main group of assignments. I bring this class up again because I think it raises some very interesting questions. So if I didn't explain it well enough last time, the main purpose of the class is to discuss "dress" -one's physical appearence and how it coorelates with the demographic they fall into. We spend a lot of time discussing culture, and how being apart of a specific culture can change the way you end up presenting yourself as you grow throughout your life. What makes this class so interesting for me is not even these subjects, as they're  all kind of things Ive spent time previously learning about or thinking about, but psycho-analyzing the other students in it. For starters, for a class entirely about the diversity of the world and how different people are and how being different from other people affects literally everything, all the way down to your shoe laces, there is a major lack of diversity. Im 99% sure Im the only not straight person in the class, definitely the only non-straight male. There are a few people of color, this one girl who is from India is actually very nice, but we get into these class discussions about gender, about race, and ethnicity, and so many of the people who participate in class are white girls with too much to say about gender, and/or race for someone who has literally never existed in either of those conversational spaces before. That's my biggest issue, which is the amount of conversation that is being focused on minorities but being discussed by none of those people, which I think only allows for a very specific point of view. If you're in a class like this, one that is meant to be "deep" and thoughtful, and your thoughts on gender in fashion is that Harry Styles has been changing the narrative? Bitch get OUT. And I just think that's disappointing. I won't at all suggest I'm smarter than they are, but I will actually talk myself up and say I 100% have more complex thoughts than most of them probably do, and it's actually kind of sad that as college students talking about these things that should be thought-provoking we genuinely can't think of anything constructive to say? Like that's sad. For them. Not me. I know what I want to say. But I'm not about to say it in front of a bunch of sorority girls and frat guys who, by the way, I think two of them are fucking 'cause they had very flirty energy between them. 

Anyways oh my god this is another post I'm already not a fan of. I don't have much else to say.

Changing lanes completely, I would like to discuss, with you, life. Like life in general, because I think it can be a very beautiful thing, and I think it can be a very ugly thing, and I want to be a pretentious little cunt. I think Im thinking about this so much because my life has changed so drastically recently, but Im really starting to enjoy life, not mine, my life kind of blows most of the time, at least for myself, but like what life actually is. I want to paint it a certain way. Forgot about what mood you're in, or whats been happening, or what could happen, or what you want to happen but haven't seen evidence of happening any time soon. If I can forget all of that, I then try to think about where I am, what I'm doing, what I want to do. Right now, I'm like blah, I've been feeling blah for a while. BUT I live in my first big boy apartment, with two of my best friends. I go for coffee walks in the morning, I get kissed by the sun on my shoulders and cheeks, and nose every time I'm outside. I listen to music and sit, starring at the sky, or the ground. I sit on my balcony smoking a cigarette and watch people walk past, all of them doing things on their own, for themselves, with people, without people, some of them have dogs, some of them have cool outfits, and some of them are clearly on drugs. Everyone is doing something throughout their day. And I'm not sure if I'm manic and think life is beautiful because I want to end my own, or if it genuinely is. But right now I think the idea of life as a thing is really cool. Granted Im still a very hateful person, like I hate pretty much everyone. But its something about the thought of things having life, plants, people, bacteria, life never stops, or changes, its not a physical thing we can identify but we can very clearly see what "life is". This kind of thinking has been slowly creeping into my brain throughout the Summer. Im not sure if its working, but its making me happier in the sense of peace. I started doing yoga (CHEESY ASF EW) but that was actually a very nice experience. I say all this because Mercury is in retrograde, and EVERYONE is going the fuck through it right now. But that's part of life too, and the misery and sadness I feel can also give me comfort. So I think we should all try being more ok. Not mentally, not physically, in no way shape or form do you have to change anything about your life. But just realizing  this is what were doing, were here, everything sucks, the queen died which is great, so why not let ourselves just enjoy the most miniscul parts of life we possibly can. Like a cigarette on the balcony. Like touching grass. Like sun being so bright you look mad at world because of how hard you're  squintting. Its all pretty. But not prettier than me. 

I love you all very much, I will try my best to get my computer fixed and post more regularly so we can get on TRACK MOTHER FUCKER. Ok. Bye

~Christian Reid Mironovic