11/13/22

Boy oh boy. Oh boy. When I say I have never consistently wanted to lobotomize myself more, I mean that from the bottom of my prostate to the top of my heart. Life sucks ass, let's just say that. But, I'm trying to look on the positive side, so, although life sucks, at least it goes on forever, unchanging, and the one thing that makes it unbearable is an untreatable chemical imbalance within my brain and it will never fully go away. :)

That in and of itself is an interesting concept to think about. I have always found time as one of the most comforting things that nobody fully understands. I think for a lot of people, time scares them because it never stops or changes, and no matter what you do there is nothing to change it. But for me, it's all of that, but in a good way. Yes, time never stops, I will never be able to take a break without everything else in the universe continuing. I can make a million mistakes and I can never take them back. I can go through a million terrible, life-altering circumstances and never be able to go back and save myself the pain. But, I also will never have to relive any of them. I will never have to be worried about something happening that causes my life to halt. No matter how miserable I am, how shitty being alive feels, and how long this shift is, my life keeps going. And with that comes change, growth, and evolution. Books like My Year of rest fascinate me so extensively because of this idea. The thought that I can take drugs, lock myself in my apartment, and disappear from the world for a year, rotting and drowning in my self-pity, and when I wake up and continue, nothing will have changed, is the most comforting thing I can tell myself. And I tell myself that ten times a day. 

Anyways, the agenda for today's post is I am going to talk about myself for a paragraph, and then a fashion-related subject that I hope to gracefully tie in. 

I'll start with my past two weeks. But first, how are you? Are you also feeling symptoms of clinical depression? How has school been? Cool. Me too. Anyway, last week was the week after my Halloween party, which means the entire week was focused on getting my serotonin levels back up to par so I would be able to operate smoothly. That didn't happen (laugh out loud), but for a little bit, I saw myself becoming happier again. I only went to the gym a few times that week, which may have contributed to my feelings, I skipped a total of three classes and spent $60 in one day. That's the true summary. But last Friday I got to see my best friend from my hometown Ms. Maisy, who is always going to make me feel better. I wholeheartedly believe she is the love of my life and I do not know what I would do without her, and the fact that we both ended up living in Arizona, granted me living here was heavily influenced by her decision to move here, is nothing short of God's work. We made pancakes and threw candy at strangers from our balcony and overall, it was probably the best and most normal night I've had in a very long time. Then the weekend hit, causing the rest of the week to be BAD SO BAD, but good, but now the circumstances that made it good are bad so the week feels bad even though it was good which is so unfair I don't understand why I can't just have something nice like it lasted two weeks what the fuck was the point of that I think I deserve better but honestly at this point it has to be karma for something I've done and just don't know what it is because there is no way I have this much bad luck and that's just how it is there has to be a reason and I think it's just me. I'm the reason for my misery. Anyway. I can tell that the semester is coming to a close, a lot of my classes have been assigning less homework to give us time to prepare for finals, and given that I am incredibly talented and always manage to make it work, I've decided to not take this time to study, and am instead taking this time to figure out why the actual fuck my brain refuses to function. Lord knows I can't afford therapy so, that's why y'all are here god bless. This weekend my dad and stepmom came to visit, which would've been fun had I not been at the receiving end of a very sudden change of attitude from the universe. But we got breakfast, went grocery shopping, and saw Black Panther which I will talk about as my media of the week cause I'm bringing that back today. In summary, fuck my life, but in a good way. Right?

Not tying this in gracefully. Today I'm talking about the concept of being stylish, vs having your style. This is going to be annoying, probably, but hear me out. Please, I beg. So, as many of us know, fashion has taken a major turn in the past few years. The lockdown caused a rapid influx of services being provided online, and TikTok has significantly changed the climate of trends and styles that are in, versus styles that are very much out. As a result of this, we also see a rise in styles becoming aggressively more stylistic. If you look at stylists like Tinyjewishgirl on TikTok, who we've talked about on this blog before, she was the blueprint of the style or styles I'm going to be talking about today. It's camp. It's a style composed primarily of subversion to traditional ways of styling, combined with the attitude that anything can be fashionable. Here are my thoughts on it; yes, fashion can be whatever the fuck you want it to be. If you want to wear a shredded shirt as a scarf, paired with fur-lined platform boots and a photorealistic graphic t-shirt of an elephant, absolutely go for it. However, the key difference between Tinyjewishgirl and the woman with a Heaven by Marc Jacobs skirt on over a pair of Levi's Skinny Taper jeans is that when Tinyjewishgirl creates an appalling outfit, it's her style, and it comes from a place of knowledge of trends, styles, and the fashion industry. She is quite literally making a commentary on the culture of trends and beauty standards in fashion, you are wearing a Jaded loose knit jumper with a Target brand tank top over it. So here's the actual thing I wanted to discuss. Style can, of course, be whatever you want it to be. There are no limitations and zero reasons why you shouldn't dress in whatever wacky, crazy way you want to. But you also have to accept that if your outfit looks bad, it simply looks bad. Regardless of what barriers you're attempting to break. I love weird as fuck outfits, and that's why I follow Tinyjewishgirl, however, there is a very niche subculture that has been bread by the past two years of nobody knowing what life is, and that subculture is an undying, unwavering ego. I know y'all know who I'm talking about when I say this stuff. It's the people that just consume culture. The people still wearing Supreme in 2022 because it's Supreme. The people who take themselves so seriously to the point that they will leave the house wearing a full, unchanged keyboard tied to their chest. The issue I have with it all is that it screams ignorance, and not in a way that I know more about fashion than you or you don't understand fashion enough, it's solely reliant on the fact that your outfits are ugly and you think it did something. There are so many ways you can successfully have a unique sense of style, and do exactly what it is you want to do, just make it look good. Your saying "anything can be fashion" does not negate that a good outfit is good because of which boxes it checks. It's the same concept as baggy clothes, yes you can wear baggy clothes, but they have to look good in the way you style them. 

That's all I have to say, and I guess to sum up; wear whatever you want, don't be a cunt about it, and have knowledge of what makes an outfit look good in the first place. But dear god please stop wearing literal thread, please stop wearing shit that very clearly does not fit you, and for the love of everything holy learn how to accessories. I don't know how to accessorize, so I don't. See how easy that is? Don't pretend to know shit because everyone who knows even a little bit, knows you know nothing. Bitch. 

OK, that is all. The media for this week is going to be cray. For a movie or show, I just watched Black Panther. First of all, Namor is so fucking hot I audibly moaned when he came on screen, wishing he'd cum on me but that's beside the point. I love the way Ryan Coogler uses colors in these movies, especially in Wakandan attire, but now we can see it with the Namor fish people too. I also just am a huge fan of the Namor character so seeing him be all cool and flying on his little fairy wings did give me a major boner. For music, I'm picking Adrienne Lenker as the artist, but I'm picking I'm So Sick as the song. Adrienne Lenker genuinely speaks to my heart in a way I've only experienced with Sujan Stevens, her words are literal magic and I will never stop obsessing over her. Was I the star in the heavens? Was I the fish in the sea? STARRING DOWN THE BARREL OF THE HOT SUN. Anyway the song, I'm So Sick has no artistic commentary to be shared, other than the fact that I've never heard a song with more raw sex drive than that song. Like I want to cum. For art, I'm picking Xixi Tong. She is in the UK? I think. She is a designer who has gotten some exposure from Gastt Fashion and is known for her sculptured designs. She makes these intricate and gorgeous pieces out of metal in a very cyber-gothic style that I'm obsessed with. Something about her is very Iris Van Herpen meets Vivienne Westwood, punk, almost couture, but extremely elegant as well. 

That is all for today. I hope you enjoyed today's post, I don't think I did, but if you read this far you can't take it back so fuck you. I hope you all have amazing days, weeks, months, years, and lives. I love you very much and I hope to talk again next Sunday. :)

~Christian Reid <3